A best man or maid of honour speech is a short toast: Toastmasters International (2019) says a wedding toast should last no more than three minutes, and Debrett's (2022) gives a best man no more than five. Leaving toasts run shorter, a eulogy often longer, and a student graduation speech is usually capped by the school at three to five minutes. Whatever the occasion, the shape is the same: say who you are, tell one or two true stories, and close on the person.
This guide is published by EdCitation. It draws on Toastmasters International's magazine, Debrett's, funeral directors' associations in the UK and the US, a Catholic diocese, two universities and a eulogy guide hosted by the charity Marie Curie, all read on 27 September 2026. EdCitation never writes any part of a speech: the stories and the words are yours, as they should be. Where a school or event sets written rules for a speech, EdCitation's free Check your paper reads them into a checklist; we tried it below. Timing and writing for the ear in general are in our guide to writing a speech.
How long should an occasion speech be?
Two to five minutes for most toasts and tributes, and up to ten for a eulogy given alone. Each figure is as its source states it.
| Occasion | Length, as the source states it | Structure the source gives | Source |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wedding toast (best man, maid of honour, anyone) | No longer than 3 minutes | Opening, body, conclusion; say who you are first | Toastmasters International (2019) |
| Best man's speech, British tradition | No more than 5 minutes | Messages from absent guests, the groom, the couple, thanks, the toast | Debrett's (2022) |
| Retirement or leaving toast | 2 to 3 minutes | Who you are, one short story, raise a glass | Amann (2021); Zappala (2016) |
| Eulogy (US guide) | 2 to 5 minutes with other speakers; 7 to 10 alone | Your relationship, 1 to 3 stories, a consoling close | Lewis (2024) |
| Eulogy (UK guide) | 5 to 10 minutes, about 700 to 1,200 words | Opening, life story, character and stories, legacy, close | National Association of Funeral Directors (2026) |
| Words of remembrance at a Catholic funeral Mass | 3 to 5 minutes, about one typed page | One or two memories of faith and character | Diocese of Bridgeport (n.d.) |
| Student graduation speech | Under 3 minutes, 350 to 450 words | Greetings, a challenge, a shared response, a call to action | University of Utah College of Social and Behavioral Science (2026) |
| Student graduation speech | No longer than 5 minutes | Left to the speaker | NC State University (n.d.) |
| Presenting or accepting an award | 3 to 4 minutes to present; about 3 to accept | Why this person; thanks to a few people by name | Zappala (2016) |
From minutes to words
Multiply the minutes by your speaking rate. The National Association of Funeral Directors (2026), the UK body, puts most nervous speakers at 120 to 150 words a minute; the word counts below are our arithmetic at that rate.
| Minutes | At 120 words a minute | At 150 words a minute |
|---|---|---|
| 2 | 240 | 300 |
| 3 | 360 | 450 |
| 5 | 600 | 750 |
| 10 | 1,200 | 1,500 |
Two sources' own figures fit: Utah's 350 to 450 words in under three minutes, and the funeral directors' 700 to 1,200 words for five to ten minutes. Read your draft aloud for one minute and count the words to find your own rate.
Where the sources differ
Most of all on eulogies. Lewis (2024), writing for the US National Funeral Directors Association's Remembering A Life site, ties length to how many people speak. Miller (2020), in Toastmaster, suggests four to six minutes and never more than ten; Kiser (2026), in the same magazine, allows 10 to 12. The guide Marie Curie hosts, written by the Co-operative Funeralcare (n.d.), gives no number at all. For weddings the split is three minutes against five. Our advice: ask whoever runs the day how long you have, and aim under it.
How do I write an occasion speech, step by step?
Start from the rules and the room, not the first joke. These steps are ours, built from the sources in this guide.
- Ask for the time limit and any rules. Paste written rules into Check your paper to list them.
- Find out who else speaks, so you do not say the same thing twice.
- Collect true stories from people who knew the person, and check names, places and dates.
- Pick one to three stories that each show one quality.
- Write it out, reading each line aloud.
- Check any quotation. If you quote a book or a study, Find sources and Cite a source give you the published record to check the words and the author against.
- Show anything risky to the person it concerns.
- Time it aloud and cut to fit.
- Print it in large type and give a copy to someone who could read it for you.
How do I write a best man or maid of honour speech?
Say who you are and how you know the couple, tell one or two warm stories, say something kind about the two of them, and end on the toast, inside three to five minutes. Toastmasters International (2019) asks for a toast that is personal and stays on the couple.
The traditional wedding speech structure
Debrett's (2022) gives the British tradition: the father of the bride (or whoever takes that part), then the groom, then the best man. The best man's speech should be witty about the groom, sincere about the friendship, and show how the groom came to deserve the bride. By custom it reads out messages from absent guests, turns to the couple, thanks the organisers and ends with the toast.
None of the sources we read gives a maid of honour speech its own length or form. Toastmasters' advice covers any wedding toast, and Debrett's notes that some best men are women, so a maid of honour speech can take the same shape.
Two warnings recur. Do not drink to calm your nerves: Debrett's says so, and so does a Toastmasters International (2023) staff guide to social speeches. And decide how you will hold the words: Debrett's prefers a memorised speech, while Amann (2021) suggests notecards and never a phone.
A wedding speech template (ours)
This template is ours. Replace each bracket with something true.
- Who you are: "I'm [name], and I've known [name] since [where and when]."
- Messages from anyone who could not come, if you have been asked to read them.
- One story that shows one quality of your friend, checked with them if it could embarrass.
- The couple: how they met, or what you have seen since, in two sentences.
- The toast: ask everyone to stand, then "To [names]."
How do I write a retirement or leaving speech?
Keep it to two or three minutes: say who you are, tell one short story about the person's work or character, and toast what comes next. Amann (2021), managing editor of Toastmaster, calls that length the sweet spot, and describes the toast that fails: a year-by-year list of jobs, or inside jokes most of the room cannot share. If you are the one leaving, Zappala (2016) on accepting an award fits: thank the organisation and a few people by name, not a long list.
A leaving speech template (ours)
This template is ours, for a colleague who is leaving.
- Who you are: your name and how long you worked together.
- What they did that people will miss: one or two things, not a career history.
- One true story that shows it, cleared with them if it teases.
- The toast: "To [name] and [what comes next]."
How do I write a eulogy?
Write a few minutes about who the person was, built on one to three true stories, and end with a farewell; then practise it aloud and arrange for someone to step in if you cannot finish. If it feels like too much, you can say no. The Co-operative Funeralcare guide says nobody should feel pressured or guilty, and the Diocese of Bridgeport (n.d.) tells anyone who fears their emotions will stop them that they may respectfully decline.
What to put in
Think of the people listening as well as the person you are remembering. The Co-operative Funeralcare guide advises being honest but selective, and uplifting rather than mournful, and offers four shapes: the life in order, the life told backwards, three points, or one theme with stories. Lewis (2024) advises gathering family and friends to collect stories first, and says faults can be touched on kindly.
On the day
Most eulogy sources we read say to write it out in full. The National Association of Funeral Directors (2026) advises at least 14-point type, double spaced, with pauses marked and a copy left with the celebrant; Lewis and Kiser say reading from the page is fine. The Co-operative Funeralcare guide prefers key points on a card if you can manage. Tears are expected; the funeral directors, Kiser and the Co-operative Funeralcare guide all say to pause, breathe and go on. If you cannot, the funeral directors suggest a friend or the celebrant reads your words, or a short tribute goes in the printed order of service.
A eulogy template (ours)
This template is ours. Every memory in it is yours to supply.
- One line that brings them to mind: a habit, a phrase they used.
- Who you are to them, in a sentence.
- A short outline of their life: places, work, family, each name and date checked.
- Two or three stories, each showing one quality.
- A farewell: a sentence to them, or why you chose the reading that follows.
How do I write a graduation or award speech?
Speak for the whole class, inside the school's limit. The University of Utah College of Social and Behavioral Science (2026) sets under three minutes, in four parts: greetings, a challenge relevant to the college, a shared response, and a call to action. NC State University (n.d.) leaves topic and format to the speaker, bars profanity, and sets five minutes. Both choose speakers from submitted drafts or auditions. For awards, Zappala (2016) adds: pronounce the winner's name correctly.
Reading a school's speech rules into a checklist
We pasted graduation rules of our own into EdCitation's free Check your paper on 27 September 2026: a theme ("What we carry forward"), no more than five minutes, a typed script of at most 650 words due by 1 May in 12-point, double-spaced type, every quotation named, and no story about a named student or member of staff without their agreement. It returned three rules, each beside the sentence it came from:
| What it asks | Asked for |
|---|---|
| Font size | 12 pt |
| Line spacing | 2 × |
| Word count | No more than 650 words |
It set four lines aside, as what the instructions ask you to do that no rule can test:
- The theme is "What we carry forward".
- Your speech must last no more than 5 minutes.
- Any quotation you use must name the person who said it.
- Do not tell a story about a named student or member of staff unless they have agreed to it.
The 1 May deadline appears only in the word count's sentence, so note it yourself. The arithmetic fits: five minutes at 120 to 150 words a minute is 600 to 750 words, so a 650-word script should finish in time.
What makes humour land, and when does it fail?
Humour lands when it is affectionate, shared by the whole room and true to the person; it fails when it embarrasses, needs inside knowledge or offends part of a mixed audience. Debrett's (2022) says best man speeches most often go wrong over jokes and over-sharing, rules out off-colour jokes and swearing before an audience that may include children, and forgives a speaker who is plainly delighted for the couple for not being funny. Amann (2021) says to make sure the person you are toasting is happy with some teasing.
At funerals the sources disagree. The National Association of Funeral Directors (2026) welcomes affectionate humour, the kind that would have made the person smile; Kiser (2026) and Lewis (2024) agree. The Diocese of Bridgeport, for words of remembrance at Mass, allows humour in good taste but no stories of bad habits, however funny, and no inside jokes. Ask the person leading the service.
How do I keep an occasion speech honest and kind?
Tell only stories that happened, check the embarrassing ones with the person, and check the facts. Zappala (2016) says a speech praising someone should not exaggerate; Amann (2021) says not to embellish or make things up. The Co-operative Funeralcare guide warns that a wrong name or date distracts listeners.
Asking first
For a story that could embarrass, ask the person it is about. If you cannot, test it on someone who knows them: Zappala suggests running a doubtful joke past someone before a roast, and the Diocese of Bridgeport suggests one trusted sounding board and showing the priest the text by the night before.
Faith and custom
Miller (2020) notes that some churches set strict rules on who may give a eulogy and what may be said, which families do not always know, so ask the clergy. Zappala says toasting customs vary from country to country, and Debrett's order of wedding speeches is a British tradition. When in doubt, ask whoever leads the day.
Which EdCitation tools help with an occasion speech?
Two parts of a speech come from outside it: the rules, and anything you quote. EdCitation handles those and never writes, rewrites or edits a speech; a toast in your own words is what every Toastmasters article we read asks for. Check your paper is the best free tool for a set of speaker rules, because each rule it lists stands beside the sentence it was read from, so you can check it against the original, and it lists apart the lines no rule can test, as it did with our theme and time limit. It needs no account.
If a graduation speech quotes a study or a book, Cite a source builds the reference from a DOI, a title, an ISBN or a web address and screens it for retraction, and Verify references checks a list you hand in, both free. How to name a source aloud is in the guide to citing sources in a speech.
Quick questions
How long should a best man speech be?
Three to five minutes. Toastmasters International says a wedding toast should last no more than three; Debrett's allows a best man five. At 120 to 150 words a minute, that is about 360 to 750 words.
How long should a eulogy be?
Usually two to ten minutes. A US funeral directors' guide suggests 2 to 5 if others speak and 7 to 10 alone; the UK's National Association of Funeral Directors suggests 5 to 10.
Can you use humour in a eulogy?
Most sources we read say yes, if it is affectionate and true to the person. One Catholic diocese's guidance for Mass is stricter, so ask whoever leads the service.
How long is a retirement speech?
Two to three minutes for a toast, in two Toastmaster articles: one short story, then a toast to what comes next.
Can EdCitation write my speech?
No. EdCitation never writes any part of a speech. Check your paper lists the rules a school or event sets; the words are yours.
References
- Amann, L. (2021, December). Cheers to new beginnings. Toastmaster. https://www.toastmasters.org/magazine/magazine-issues/2021/dec/cheers-to-new-beginnings
- Co-operative Funeralcare. (n.d.). Well chosen words: How to write a eulogy [PDF]. Marie Curie. https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/globalassets/media/documents/how-we-can-help/information-for-bereaved-family-and-friends/arranging-the-ceremony/how-to-write-a-eulogy.pdf
- Debrett's. (2022, July 2). The best man's speech. https://debretts.com/the-best-mans-speech/
- Diocese of Bridgeport. (n.d.). Resource for Catholic funerals: Words of remembrance [PDF]. https://formationreimagined.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/Resource_Words-of-Remembrance.pdf
- Kiser, G. (2026, March). Finding the right way to say goodbye. Toastmaster. https://www.toastmasters.org/magazine/magazine-issues/2026/march/finding-the-right-way-to-say-goodbye
- Lewis, E. (2024, February 5). How to write - and deliver - a eulogy. Remembering A Life, National Funeral Directors Association. https://www.rememberingalife.com/blogs/blog/how-to-write-and-deliver-a-eulogy
- Miller, T. A. (2020, November). Delivering a heartfelt farewell. Toastmaster. https://www.toastmasters.org/magazine/magazine-issues/2020/nov/delivering-a-heartfelt-farewell
- National Association of Funeral Directors. (2026, May 7). How to write a eulogy. Funeral Directory. https://www.funeral-directory.co.uk/guides/how-to-write-a-eulogy/
- NC State University. (n.d.). Student speaker. University Commencement. https://commencement.ncsu.edu/student-speaker/
- Toastmasters International. (2019, July). Tips for the perfect wedding toast. Toastmaster. https://www.toastmasters.org/magazine/magazine-issues/2019/july/tips-for-perfect-wedding-toast
- Toastmasters International. (2023, July). How to make your social speeches shine. Toastmaster. https://www.toastmasters.org/magazine/magazine-issues/2023/july/social-speeches
- University of Utah College of Social and Behavioral Science. (2026, February 20). Convocation speaker guidelines & tips. https://csbs.utah.edu/students/graduation/speaker-guidelines.php
- Zappala, M. (2016, December). It's a special occasion. Toastmaster. https://www.toastmasters.org/magazine/magazine-issues/2016/dec2016/special